actually, I'm a sock model
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
