why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I understand Curling. That high.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
