All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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