you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
third nipple confirmed
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
