Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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