hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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