I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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