Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
