Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
