Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
