No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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