I cannot find my penis.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
