oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
