Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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