After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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