Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
