Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
