a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish I only lived at night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
