I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
