I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
