yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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