We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
