just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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