Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
