I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
