is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
