"it" just moved
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
