He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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