i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
