Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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