But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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