R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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