Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
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Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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