As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
