You're my little dorito
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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