It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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