so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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