I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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