How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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