When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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