There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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