Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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