Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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