At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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