i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
