So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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