she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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