I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Who died my cat blue again?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
