I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
