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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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