break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
