my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
