haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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