i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
