what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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