So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
