Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize