doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish you could order shots online.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
