When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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