I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
