nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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