we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
