Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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