Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
