Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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