It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
