can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
