I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
