the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
