I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
