Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
